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Friday, August 11, 2006

"Chess is better than sex." -- Bobby Fischer

Chess is better than sex." -- Bobby Fischer

A reader, tongue planted firmly in cheek, submitted 22 reasons why Fischer was right. He failed to point out, however, that both pastimes are not necessarily mutually exclusive.

  • A good game can last seven hours or more and be enjoyed any time without stopping.
  • As soon as you finish a game, you're ready for another one.
  • There are billions of mating positions. Always NEW!
  • You can play chess on the internet and find new partners any time you like.
  • You can't catch a disease from chess. The worse than can happen to you from sitting for too long is a sore rump.
  • You don't have to chat up your opponents and send chocolates or roses before they agree to play.
  • Children can play chess well.
  • You can perform for a long time and still play chess well in old age.
  • Ugly players still get to mate.
  • Ugly opponents don't put you off your game.
  • Good players can take on hundreds of opponents at once.
  • You usually know what your next move should be in chess.
  • You can drink, smoke, and play chess simultaneously.
  • In chess, the kings and queens can directly mix.
  • No one ever complains that you're moving too fast.
  • In chess -- but not in sex -- short games are highly valued.
  • In chess your opponent has to make a move after your move.
  • Misplacing your pieces on a chessboard is inconvenient; in the bedroom, it may be illegal.
  • You don't have to kiss or hug your opponent after a game.
  • In chess a quickie is often more satisfying than a long game.
  • You can play chess with your clothes on. And in public too.
  • Size does not matter. Most players are satisfied with average chess boards.

-- Larry Parr

Curtesy of the Uncyclopedia - the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit. -- --


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