"Chess is better than sex." -- Bobby Fischer

Chess is better than sex." -- Bobby Fischer

A reader, tongue planted firmly in cheek, submitted 22 reasons why Fischer was right. He failed to point out, however, that both pastimes are not necessarily mutually exclusive.

• A good game can last seven hours or more and be enjoyed any time without stopping.
• As soon as you finish a game, you're ready for another one.
• There are billions of mating positions. Always NEW!
• You can play chess on the internet and find new partners any time you like.
• You can't catch a disease from chess. The worse than can happen to you from sitting for too long is a sore rump.
• You don't have to chat up your opponents and send chocolates or roses before they agree to play.
• Children can play chess well.
• You can perform for a long time and still play chess well in old age.
• Ugly players still get to mate.
• Ugly opponents don't put you off your game.
• Good players can take on hundreds of opponents at once.
• You usually know what your next move should be in chess.
• You can drink, smoke, and play chess simultaneously.
• In chess, the kings and queens can directly mix.
• No one ever complains that you're moving too fast.
• In chess -- but not in sex -- short games are highly valued.
• In chess your opponent has to make a move after your move.
• Misplacing your pieces on a chessboard is inconvenient; in the bedroom, it may be illegal.
• You don't have to kiss or hug your opponent after a game.
• In chess a quickie is often more satisfying than a long game.
• You can play chess with your clothes on. And in public too.
• Size does not matter. Most players are satisfied with average chess boards.

-- Larry Parr

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